Up until this summer (2022), I believed something entirely different about myself. I thought I was just me - a blend of impulsive, shy, anxious, perfectionist, chatty, forgetful, hyper-focused and overwhelmed. I thought my personality quirks were simply a mix of life experiences, my star sign, or even my upbringing.
But then, everything changed.
What if I told you that you weren’t just “impulsive,” “lazy,” “creative,” “messy,” or “perfectionistic”?
What if your struggles weren’t tied solely to childhood trauma, your career, motherhood, or your relationships? What if there was a deeper, more accurate explanation for how you experience the world?
For years, I spent hundreds of pounds on self-help books, courses, therapy, and hypnotherapy trying to “fix” myself. I carried the guilt of not being able to maintain good habits, not fitting in, and constantly wondering why I found everyday life so much harder than others.
Then I discovered the truth: I have inattentive ADHD.
Thousands of women and girls are struggling… could that be you?
ADHD Superpower or Misunderstood Obsession?
One of the most fascinating (and often misunderstood) aspects of ADHD is hyperfocus. When I’m working, I can get so deeply immersed in a task that time flies by, and distractions just fade into the background.
People often mistake it for obsession, but it’s not about being “obsessed”—it’s about being in the zone. It’s a laser-sharp focus that allows me to pour my energy and creativity into what I’m doing, often producing incredible results. The downside? Hyperfocus can also mean forgetting to take breaks, eat lunch, or even reply to texts.
But now I see it, it’s a gift—when managed well. It’s one of the ways ADHD fuels my passion, especially in my work. It helps me bring ideas to life, write with intention, and create in ways that feel impactful.
The ADHD Misconception
When most people think of ADHD, they picture hyperactive, disruptive young boys. This outdated stereotype has led to millions of women across the UK going undiagnosed and unsupported. Why? Because the diagnostic criteria we use today are based on research conducted almost exclusively on white boys and men.
The reality is that ADHD often looks very different in women. It’s not always hyperactivity or disruptive behaviour; it can manifest as anxiety, mood swings, perfectionism, chronic shame, imposter syndrome, and exhaustion from working twice as hard to achieve what others seem to do effortlessly. Many women mask their struggles so well that their ADHD goes unnoticed—even by themselves.
Psychotherapist and psychiatrist Dr. Helen Read explains, “ADHD often presents in women in a very masked form, with mood, anxiety, and persistent shame issues, accompanied by working a lot harder than others behind the scenes to achieve. The combination of an outwardly successful life with a disorganised home environment is often seen. Many women with ADHD are people pleasers, but often feel ashamed, ‘never good enough,’ and struggle with imposter syndrome.”
A Hidden Epidemic
ADHD affects over 1.5 million adults in the UK, yet women are dramatically underdiagnosed. Only 4.9% of women will be diagnosed with ADHD in their lifetime, compared to 12% of men.
Even more staggering: although 1 in 20 people (or 5%) in the UK are estimated to have ADHD, only 1% have received an official diagnosis, according to ADHD UK.
This gap in understanding isn’t just a problem for women with ADHD—it’s a societal issue. Neurodiversity is everywhere. Around 1 in 7 people in the UK (over 15%) are neurodivergent, including individuals with ADHD, autism, and other neurological conditions. These differences influence how people process information, learn, and interact with the world.
However, without proper awareness and understanding, ADHD traits in women are often dismissed as personality flaws, a lack of effort, or even rudeness. This can lead to stigma, shame, and a lack of access to resources that could drastically improve their quality of life.
Unmasking the Truth
For many women, discovering they have ADHD is a transformative experience. It provides a framework to understand themselves—why they’ve always felt different, why they struggle with certain habits, and why they’ve felt like outsiders in a world that doesn’t seem built for them.
If you know someone with undiagnosed ADHD, they might be masking their traits so well that you’ve never noticed. It could be your friend, a client, a colleague, another mum at the school gates, or even a family member.
The power of understanding ADHD—whether for yourself or others, cannot be understated. It’s not about labelling or limiting someone; it’s about finally understanding how they work. With awareness comes empathy, and with empathy comes the opportunity for connection and support.
The Power of Neurodiversity
Society is fundamentally neurodiverse. Diversity isn’t just about individuals; it’s about how we, as a group, bring different perspectives, skills, and experiences to the table. Understanding ADHD and other neurodivergent conditions helps us see the richness of human diversity rather than forcing everyone into the same mould.
So, whether you’re navigating your own neurodivergent journey or trying to better understand someone else’s, remember this: there’s no one “right” way to think, learn, or behave.
When we embrace differences—whether they’re rooted in ADHD, autism, or other forms of neurodiversity—we create a society that is more inclusive, empathetic, and supportive.
ADHD in women is underdiagnosed, misunderstood, and often hidden behind a mask of “having it all together.” But this doesn’t mean it’s rare, and it certainly doesn’t mean women with ADHD are less capable or less deserving of support. Whether it’s in yourself or someone you know, unmasking ADHD is the first step toward understanding, acceptance, and growth.
...So, if you’ve ever wondered how I manage to dive so deeply into my work—it’s hyperfocus. And while it’s not always easy, I’ve learned to embrace it as one of the unique ways my brain works.
To anyone else with ADHD, let’s celebrate how our brains make us different—because different can also be amazing.
Let’s break the stigma, challenge the stereotypes, and support the neurodiverse individuals in our lives—because when you do, you find the key to unlock your own brain, it’s a really powerful thing…
October is ADHD Awareness month.
If you’d like more information please read:
Comments