We are all programmed to protect ourselves from ‘danger’ but when our protection becomes self-sabotage and materialises into something damaging then what can you do?
What are you afraid of?
Failure?
Rejection?
Self-sabotage is usually activated by fear and goes into action to try and protect us from getting hurt by changing your reactions and behaviour and creating problems, which ultimately interfere with your goals and relationships.
There are many reasons why we self-sabotage:
Self-worth, you feel undeserving of success of happiness;
Control, it feels better to control your own failure;
Perceived fate, you feel like a fraud and as the bar continues to rise your feel you have further to fall;
Blame, when you can only blame the action instead of yourself;
Familiarity, if you’re use to being or feeling overlooked, mistreated or exploited;
Boredom, you simply want to push buttons by inciting drama to create the familiar feeling of chaos.
It’s very common for people to feel that success of failure defines their worth as a person so by shifting your definition of your worth from outcome to effort you will start to feel more positive. It’s ok to fail, try to see failures as mistakes and those mistakes as stepping stones. Stepping stones are there to inform you that you need to learn more – what can the mistake teach you? What can you learn from this?
‘It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand.’
Learning to handle rejection or loss is incredibly difficult but not impossible, it takes practice to change your mindset so give yourself time to process your feelings and reflect on the situation. When you understand your mind you can push yourself through your ‘mind battles’ because when you allow yourself to engage in negative self-talk you erode your self-confidence and self-esteem. Self-judgement is a major form of self-sabotage so be kind and compassionate to yourself and your feelings. Embrace your feelings rather than judging yourself, don’t let them define you – Who you are today is not who you have to be tomorrow.