Female Friendships in the Age of Overwhelm: Are We More Connected or More Distant?
Is it just me, or does life feel way more complicated these days?
Between work, parenting, running a home, and attempting to have a social life, I often feel like I’m drowning in stuff. And one of the biggest sources of overwhelm? Keeping up with messages.
Text. WhatsApp. Facebook Messenger. Instagram DMs. Emails. Calls. Group chats.
By the time I’ve caught up with one thread, another conversation has started elsewhere. So now, I treat my messages like second-class post—unless you catch me at the exact right moment, you might be waiting a while. And sometimes, I even do that super helpful thing where I think I’ve replied… but actually, it was just in my head.
The Guilt of Not Replying Fast Enough
Do you ever feel like you're offending people when you don’t respond quickly?
During lockdown, this feeling was at its peak for me. I was lonely, but never alone. There was so much going on, yet nothing really happening. And the pressure to be “available” was suffocating.
So now, when friends apologise for being crap at replying, I tell them not to. I get it.
The Beautiful, Messy Complexity of Female Friendships
Female friendships are amazing—but they can also be complicated.
We’re wired for connection, but women, in particular, seek meaningful connections. Research shows that female friendships activate different parts of the brain than romantic relationships do. That’s why friendships with other women bring a unique kind of joy and validation.
Yet, when friendships feel one-sided, it hurts. I’ve had moments where I’ve wondered: Am I being ghosted? Am I the only one putting in effort?
But I also know that most of the women in my life are juggling a million things, just like I am. So I try not to take it personally.
The Friendships That Fizzle Out
The truth? Not all friendships last forever.
We talk about romantic breakups all the time, but friendship breakups? Not so much. Yet, losing a friend—especially when there’s no clear reason or closure—can be just as painful.
Over the past couple of years, some friendships of mine have naturally faded. At first, it stung. But now? I see it as making space for the friendships that truly matter.
Are We Too Connected?
When I think about how communication has evolved, it’s wild.
We’ve gone from dial-up internet and waiting until after 6pm to call someone (otherwise, RIP your parents' phone bill) to constant digital connection. I remember actually writing letters to friends—sticking stickers in, swapping Spice Girls photos, making it a whole thing.
Now? We collect friends like digital souvenirs. Social media means we stay in touch with people long after the friendship has run its course. It’s great in some ways—but in others, it’s exhausting.
So… What’s the Answer?
There’s so much pressure around friendship today. To reply quickly, to always be “on,” to keep every single connection alive. But here’s the thing: friendship isn’t measured by response times.
Some people are in our lives for a season. Others, for a lifetime.
So instead of feeling guilty, I’m focusing on the most important people in my life. Because when things get tough, nothing is more powerful than female friendship.
As Gloria Steinem once said: “Women understand.”
And really, that’s what makes it all worth it.
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